Some awards for 1997:1.
In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
"totally zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a
200-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
3. A man in Buxton, NC, died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep
hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said. Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a
beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet
of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to
claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in
Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick
Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was
trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr , 26, was killed in February in
Selbyville, Delaware,as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario ,
Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in
the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
Honorable Mentions
1. In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
millipede with a shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock
near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.
2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins,attempting to
clean out cobwebs in his basement,declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and
caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.
3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township,
NJ, in September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of dynamite
that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite
and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but they apparently failed
to notice that the window was closed.
4. Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far:? In Betulia,
Colombia, an annual festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This
year, no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including one gored in the
head and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's just one bull against [a town
of] a thousand Morons."
5. Four people were injured in a string of related
bizarre accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry;
Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms and
face; Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue; and Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of
her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first
day of work and, in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him. "I'm
still not sure why I did it," she said later. "I was really close to the car, so
I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't have been for more than two
seconds." However, cab driver Vegas did see and lost control of his cab, running over
the curb and into the corner of the Johnson Medical Building. Inside, Klesick, a dental
technician, was cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The crash of the cab against the building
making her jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick In shock, he bit down,
severing two fingers from Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound was caused by a falling piece of
the medical building.
6. Marie Valishnokov of Taos, NM, went to a poison control
center after eating three birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she had to
draw a picture describing how she believed she had poisoned herself. A translator arrived
shortly thereafter and confirmed doctors' suspicions. Valishnokov thought the inserts were
some kind of candy or gum, being unable to read the foil wrappers. After the third one,
she realized something was wrong when her throat and mouth began to fill with a
sour-tasting foam. She ran for the Poison Control Center, only a few blocks away where
doctors were able to flush the foam from her mouth, throat and stomach with no ill
effects.
7. Attorney Antonio Mendoza of La Grange, GA, was released
from a trauma center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum. "My dog drags
the thing all over the house," he said later. "He must have dragged it into the
shower. I slipped on the tile, tripped against the dog and sat down right on the
thing." The extraction took more than three hours due to the fact that the cover to
Mendoza's phone had opened during insertion. "He was a real trooper during the entire
episode," said Dr. Dennis Crobe. "Tony just cracked and really seemed to be
enjoying himself. Three times during the extraction his phone rang and each time, he made
jokes about it that just had us rolling on the floor. By the time we finished, we really
did expect to find an answering machine in there.
8. Kerry Bingham, of Tacoma, WA, had been drinking with
several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at
least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the
midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought bungee rope. Bingham, who
had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay
nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied
to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by
two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was
watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it".
Bingham's foot was never located.
9. In Bremerton, WA, Christopher Coulter and his wife,
Emily, were engaging in bondage games when Christopher suggested spreading peanut butter
on his genitals and letting Rudy, their Irish Setter, lick them clean. Sadly, Rudy lost
control and began tearing at Christopher's penis and testicles. Rudy refused to obey
commands and a panicked Emily threw a half-gallon bottle of perfume at the dog. The bottle
broke, covering the dog and Christopher with perfume.
Startled, Rudy leaped back, tearing away the penis. While
trying to get her unconscious husband in the car to take him to the hospital, Emily fell
twice, injuring her wrist and ankle. Christopher's penis was in a styrofoam ice cooler.
"Chris is just plain lucky," said the surgeon who spent eight hours reattaching
thepenis. "Believe it or not, the perfume turned out to be very fortuitous. The high
alcohol content, which must have been excruciatingly painful, helped sterilize the wound.
Also, aside from its being removed, the damage caused by the dog's teeth to the penis per
se is minimal. It's really a very stringy piece of flesh. Mr. Coulter stands an excellent
chance of regaining the use of his limb because of this." Washington Animal Control
has no plans to seize Rudy.
